You wake up in the morning to the sound of your 6yr old cheering about the money the tooth fairy left under his pillow. You have no time to enjoy this because all it does is remind you that you left that darn tooth on the couch and you are about to be found out, so you run. In leaving so quickly, you neglect to turn off the alarm and you have to sprint back to shut off the damn beeping before the baby wakes up. You get the two kiddos dressed, fed and out the door but just as you are dropping them off you realize that yellow teeth are more of a reflection on you than them and you wish you would have remembered to brush their teeth this morning.
Back home and you really need to get your work done. You get your coffee and get started but then the baby needs a diaper and food and the 2yr old has hidden in the laundry to have some bathroom privacy and this causes a huge delay in your progress. You run to the bathroom to get a towel when you see your reflection and...well...moving on. You need a shower really badly but you must get your work done before the a.m. preschool pickup times comes around.
Now you get everyone dressed, dash to pickup, and head to the park for a classmate's birthday party. You have bought a gift and are taking the time to go when your child announces that the birthday girl is not his friend, great. You get to the party and although there are a couple of fun girls to chat with, chatting is not easy due to the constant interruption of checking on multiple children to see if one has left the park to join a new family. While there, you realize that you are having to ignore the icy stares of strange women who seem to be quite judgy. You decide you don't care because they have plucked their eyebrows too thin and have way overprocessed hair..ha. Party is over and thank goodness the cake was chocolate and the pizza had sausage because you avoided eating the kids leftovers for lunch. You head home and are grateful that the baby is asleep and it is the 2yr old's nap time..you will get your work done.
You start working and are making good progress when you start feeling light headed and whoozy. That is when you remember that you did not eat breakfast or lunch and in fact your full cup of coffee is still sitting on the counter from the morning. Now you are feeling grateful that your husband got laid off because he has time to make you a sandwich while you finally finish up your work. Dear hubby heads out to the post office but you are left with three kiddos and one to pick up from school and the 2 yr old is still sleeping. You cram everyone in the van, including groggy toddler, and head up to the school to pick up your eldest. You realize that your hair is 100% worse now than it was this morning and it was bad this morning so you throw on your sunglasses because somehow you wearing sunglasses makes it harder for other people to detect your dirty hair.
Your home and now you accomplish something that does not happen most days. Your three boys pick up the house quickly without complaint the first time you ask, wow. What skill have you mastered? Well, bribery, they will do anything for a little bag of chips. So now it is 3pm and then it is 4:30 and what happened in that time, mysteriously there is no memory and you wonder what you could have gotten done had you not been doing whatever it was you were doing!!
The yelling starts and the two oldest boys are correcting your two year old so you march in to stand up for that cutey when you see your bathroom walls decorated with stripper red lipstick that you did not know you owned. Ah, you are so relieved because you did not want to relax, read, watch TV, eat, or any other such thing and the mess has given you purpose to your life. You get Windex and paper towels and sit down on the floor to clean. You are going to use this as a learning opportunity so you give the 2yr old his own paper towel to clean his own mess. Aren't you clever...turns out that this is a giant reward and the only thing better than smeering the lipstick in the first place is getting to wipe it off with mom. 30 minutes later you are high on fumes and your eyes are bleery enough that you can't tell if the walls are still messed up or if they had that pink hew to begin with.
Oh damn, time for dinner and you have no ideas. Is it really bad to give everyone cereal, again? The day is wrapping up and maybe just maybe if you get their yellow teeth white and your dirty hair clean it will all be a success. Here you are Living the Dream.
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